Praying with my son

A while back, my son asked if he could say the bed time prayer.  So of course, I said, "okay, but keep it short."  And then he proceeded to thank God for everything he could think of--effectively extending his bedtime by at least thirty seconds.  Big win for the five year old. 

But it also got me thinking about the way that I pray and the way that Jesus said to pray and the way that I want to pray. 

I think I've mentioned before that I can be kind of a negative person, but I'm also extremely grateful for the grace that I've been given--by other people, but especially by God. 

But I often don't pray that way when I'm praying with my son.  Or in front of anyone for that matter. 

Which has made me realize something else.  I have two types of prayer.  One that I do when I'm "praying," and one that I do when I'm just talking to God while I go about my life. 

When I'm "praying," I've got the "please help me" part down, and also the "thank you for whatever is on the table or happened today" part.  Which I guess is okay for the table...

... but maybe not even then. 

I can assure you that I'm pretty sure I have never asked forgiveness for anything during a public prayer.  And I could also probably count on one hand the number of times I've asked in public for help avoiding temptation or being delivered from evil.  Ditto for pointing out His eternal power and glory (maybe two hands for that one).

The formula is pretty much as follows:  Dear God, thank you for blah blah blah.  Please help us to blah blah blah.  InJesusnameamen.

????????   I ask you: How would you feel if someone talked to you like that??????

That's what I thought.  I would too.  It would almost sound like they didn't really care if you were listening or not.  And that is a really sucky feeling.

This is the God who gave everything for me, and whose opinion is the only thing that gives my life lasting value or significance.  And I'm having regular conversations with Him where I'm almost literally phoning it in. 

And this is the kind of "conversation" my son is witnessing. 

And yet.

Even when I'm being a jerk, He loves me, and that is incredible!  That's the kind of love that is worthy of awe and honesty. 

Both of which require presence.

The thing that makes me really sad is that my real prayers stay hidden away in my head.  And that's the other kind of prayer I do.  In my head.  Where no one else can hear. 

In there I'm talking to God pretty often.  In there I feel Him with me nearly all the time, and we have the kind of conversations that sometimes can't even be put into words.  You know the kind I mean?  Like when you and your BFF silently communicate an entire conversation with just one eyebrow? 

NWR.  No words required.

Amazing isn't it?  The most authentic prayers I pray often contain no words.  They're just me being present with God and not cloaking my thoughts or feelings.  I think this is part of what Jesus meant when He said that to enter Heaven you must be like a child.  Little kids are just like that--uncloaked.  They show whatever they feel right on their faces.

But doing that with God, in my head, is one thing.  How do I get to where I show these things on my face and not just behind my face?  How do I get to where I trust God so much that I'm willing to risk other people looking down on me?  Where His opinion is the only one that matters?  Because let's face it, most people don't really want to hear an honest prayer. 

They want you to "hurry up so we can eat/leave/start the meeting/etc."  Just like I wanted my son to "make it quick" so I wouldn't miss the beginning of the show I was planning to watch as soon as I left his room.

How do I let my son see and hear some of the more honest and real conversations with God that go on where no one else can hear?  How do I let him know that God really listens and really speaks?

I don't have the answers for these questions, but I'm talking a lot to the One who does.  And I'm trying to love my son the way that He loves me.  So maybe that counts for something.  In fact, maybe that is the answer...  Hmmm...

Thoughts?